The purpose of this study was to investigate why some women report a desire to date nice guys but prefer dating jerks. Scholarly texts offer evidence that the answer may lie in how the young woman perceives the nice guy—does he possess attractive or unattractive personality traits? The results of the present study suggest that reasons for dating i. This is a preview of subscription content, log in to check access. Rent this article via DeepDyve. Alder, R. Understanding human communication 8th ed. New York: Oxford University Press. Google Scholar.
Does Dating a Slew of Duds Make It Impossible to Accept a Genuinely Nice Guy?
Every woman has had a friend who dated a guy who was clearly bad news, but she just couldn’t resist. Maybe, that “friend” was you. And yet, despite all the warnings and red flags, the pull of dating a “bad boy” was just too strong. So, even with all of the signs that heartbreak is on the horizon, why do we still find bad boys so appealing?
6 times dating a “nice guy” went horribly wrong. There’s a reason why many self-proclaimed “nice guys” finish last (hint: they’re secret bellends).
He would ignore my calls and cheat on me, then we’d argue and make up. This hopelessly obsessive love cycle repeated until we were both too exhausted to care about each other anymore. And even when it was over, it still felt like love. Maybe my daddy issues are the reason why I have a thing for bad boys. Or, perhaps that first relationship conditioned me to believe unstable passion is the only type of love I deserve.
The man-eater in me feasts on it. That is, until I opened up myself to a good guy. I found them to be boring doormats. They’re practical, safe dudes who won’t put you in your place when you need it. Being nice isn’t really a chore for me. I’m kind-hearted and considerate, unless I’m on the fence about a guy. For example, the one guy in my life I’ve deemed “the good guy” tried to visit me one weekend.
The Problem With ‘The Nice Guy’
But hold up! While some people surely can change, you know just as well as I do that a lot of people do not. So why are you wasting your energy? Everyone wants to find someone who loves them wholly, for the person they are.
The purpose of this study was to investigate why some women report a desire to date nice guys but prefer dating jerks. Specifically, young women’s dati.
I really want to find someone that I can spend my life with, but time after time I seem to end up with guys that treat me like dirt. It as if I am a magnet to these kinds of guys. Is there a way I can change my luck so that I can find someone who I like and who is nice? It is not by chance that you are attracting the men that you are attracting, but rather it appears that you are seeking such people and personalities.
The Torah explains that a relationship between a man and a woman is like a fire. There are fires that burn, with the flames destroying everything in their midst, and there are the fires that warm, that glow, that illuminate. Your relationships sound like they are pretty fiery. They probably start out very exciting, very intense, and yet quickly taper off.
Why Women Find “Bad Boys” So Attractive, Even Though We Know They’re Trouble
This semester I got to know a very nice, very sweet guy who I ultimately decided not to pursue a relationship with. After a few months of talking I decided, for a number of reasons, not to continue dating him. Because that happens sometimes. My friend would have made a much better boyfriend than that guy.
But do you want to date ‘the nice guy’? Stephanie Nuzzo spoke to sexologist Kassandra Mourikis and men’s dating coach Chris Manak about the.
After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend , I quickly learned that putting yourself out there is really just a shortcut to feelings of disappointment and, well, emotional pain. So why am I wasting time looking for the catch? Whenever I share my happy news of seeing a genuinely nice guy being clouded by my expectation that the other shoe—whatever it may be—is bound to drop, people seem to get me. In fact, many others have issues accepting sincere kindness from a new flame. What gives?
No surprises here, but having difficulties trusting kindness in a romantic relationship might stem from generalized trust issues. She adds that the struggle could originate from any number of things, including childhood experiences or situations with past significant others. Subconsciously a pessimist about love? You might be self-sabotaging as a method of self-preservation. Rework your perspective so you can be open to the healthy relationship you totally deserve.
Try your hardest to really start fresh and not bring your past or your inner naysayer into a new relationship. For some more dating assistance, these are first date questions you should avoid. And this is the one trait to look for in a partner. I Tried It to Find Out.
Why you have to date the Nice Guy
By Ann Palik. Has it ever happened to you? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values. What makes charm boys or players attractive? And they often look good.
However, more than one half also reported a preference for a nice guy over a bad boy as a date. As hypothesized, women who placed a lesser emphasis on the.
Every woman knows a ‘nice guy’. Then the ‘nice guy’ isn’t nice anymore, because actually, he was never genuinely nice. At one end of the spectrum is the guy who will call us a derogatory name or pretend they weren’t even interested in the first place when we try and let them down. At the other end is seriously abusive behaviour and gaslighting.
Because the thing is, actual nice guys don’t go on about being nice. It’s not performative, because they think there’s something in it for them. Nice people just get on with being nice. Here is what they had to say. He was always talking about how he wasn’t like other guys, and was so laid back and chill. Then a few months later I tried to break up with him because I wasn’t feeling it and he wouldn’t It was almost like he was taking my break up as a suggestion.
He was like, ‘nah let’s just stay together and I’m sure your feelings will change,’ and I kept being talked into it?!!?
Give nice guys a chance
Who Is Claudia Conway? The next day, he booked us into a restaurant with a six-week waiting list thus announcing his intentions to see me for the foreseeable future , and when I mused aloud about decorating, he offered to paint my walls no euphemism. Only one thing festered — his fungal nail infection. I tried not to look, but at least two of his fingers were adorned with what looked like decomposing bark off a gnarly tree.
Top dating coach Evan Marc Katz explains why you don’t have to be a jerk to do well So if you’re a nice guy who went on a nice date with a nice girl, try being.
I clearly was choosing all the wrong people : entirely too dependent; too emotionally unaware; too unconfident about themselves to be confident about who I was. Some combination of those. The level of face-palming and eye-rolling at my own blubbering through romance had reached its peak. You get bored eventually and start to wonder when can you get off. So here I was, the only one still single among both high school and college friends, and finally stepping off another irritating, disappointing, predictable heartbreaker merry-go-round.
I was tossing my hands up in the air to my friends, a couple who had been together since high school. They wanted to set me up with nice guys. Guys they knew and could attest were decent people and motivated, balanced, and from good families. They never seemed dependent, emotionally stupid, unconfident, controlling, manipulative , possessive, or crazy in the beginning. These guys I dated were sneaky little fuckers.